Did you remember to love yourself today?

Our Hike to the Hollywood Sign!

How to Nail an Interview

Sweet Child (Not) O' Mine

It was a day in August of 2011 when I was angry with my nephew's forthcoming arrival. He wasn't a smudge that could be wiped away, no longer a problem my cousin could simply swallow, or a matter that could be flushed down the toilet. My cousin was already six months pregnant when she had found out she was going to be a mother and informed us that weekend. Months before, I had questioned her sudden weight gain, but she had insisted she wasn't pregnant. Her weight had been distributed throughout her body, so the bump wasn't obvious. But that day, my cousin appeared to be noticeably pregnant, like never before. It was as if she was implanted that same day and then BAM! without warning, everyone could see her bump. 

I remember looking at all three ultrasound images with loathing and despair. In those triangular images I wished Damian would disappear, that he would be unwanted by my cousin as much as I had, that he could be given to someone older...someone who actually was expecting him and couldn't wait for his arrival. But it was my cousin, a crazed, life-loving 18 year old who would become a mother in a few short moths. Her dreams of attending a university seemed to be all but reality. Now she would have to have a new set of demands; ones that would include a car seat, baby bottles, and changing beds in restrooms. 

Today, 5 years later, I am shocked to realize that those thoughts ran through my head. My cousin has been successful in all that she has attempted to achieve as a mother, student, and career woman. Her son has brought as much joy to my life as cupcakes have to his. Since the day he was born, Damian has continued to teach me about love, forgiveness, and patience. I love his big head, his bright smile, and the many days we get to bond with each other. At 5 years old, Damian is witty and charming. And although he has reached that age of brattishness, Damian's intelligence, mindfulness, and playfulness are what make him a memorable child. 

Happy 5th birthday, chele!

Bone Rattled

Here is a short film I produced with the help of my friend Chris.

Have you ever wondered how to get rid of a solicitor? This is one way to do it.

Please hold while your party is reached

My make up was done and my hair was 90% dry. With autumn acting like it can't fully express itself, it confuses my curly hair. I washed my hair two hours early because I had refused to leave with semi-wet hair, and I didn't want to show up late to my birth month lunch since it was going to be a small time frame to see my friends. It was already time to pick up one of them up, but I waited for a cue from her. While I waited, I grabbed the book I am currently reading and flipped to the page where I had left off last night. I casually glanced at my phone every other minute. Nothing. I resisted the urge of texting her because I didn't want to rush whatever it was she was doing.

It was getting later the more I waited so I gave in and grabbed my phone. Upon texting in the group chat, a blue message appeared. It was an apology. Lunch was going to have to be cancelled. I was irritated and succumbed myself to feeling upset. The first thing I did was seek someone to blame. But there was no one at fault. There were simply priorities that had to be attended before me. I replied to the apology. When my friends tried to reschedule, we came to the conclusion that we'd have to postpone our get-together. We were all free at different times. Although I was informed in advanced,  that didn't make me feel any better. I wasted time putting on make up and using valuable hair product. I thought about going out to get myself something to eat just to get out of my house for a while, but then I remembered there was food at home. The thought of pozole helped me feel slightly better.

Before eating, I checked for updates on social media hoping to find something interesting or funny. I wanted to let go of the bad news. I ended up coming across a post about passion. Oprah Winfrey once said, "Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you." This moment of let down, waiting, never-happening sucked the energy right out of me. The passion and excitement I have for food reenergized me. Food was seriously on my mind, because food isn't my greatest passion. When I went over to open the refrigerated pot of food, I stared down at its gelatin content. I laughed at the food, but mostly at myself. I realized how much I exaggerate everything. I knew the pozole was going to be bomb, but when I remembered it was now a leftover meal that had taken on a new texture, it suddenly became a little less exciting to eat. It's crazy how the mind works. We possess so much power to control our outlook on life. You know, like the expression of the glass being half full or half empty. Perspective. Yet we allow ourself, almost want in some cases, to be stuck in a situation we don't like. Sometimes we want to experience sadness, anger, frustration, and hurt organically. We will even do everything we can to confirm such truths to other people. And the same thing goes for great things. We convince ourselves and others how amazing something is by the way we set it up. At first I was super excited to eat the poloze, and then I was just happy.

After the three minutes it took for my bowl of soup to heat up, I confronted myself about how dramatic I can be. But is it a bad thing? No. Never. It's what makes me, me. This is the exact reason why I enjoy being a storyteller. I have the power to create intense moments, grab people's attention, and show them what I see and how I view the world. It's both a curse and a blessing. 

With hours at my disposal, I felt like I had to make use of myself. I was obviously in a better mood. Now do something else that excites you, I thought to myself. I grabbed my Bose headphones and started editing some videos I had been putting off. It was a motivation that came so natural in the moment.

To make things clear, I wasn't upset at my friend for more than a few seconds. I just had to find a different thing I was already passionate and excited about.

A tornado hit my room!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xm6yQARwk4w

This is my first self-made skit, with the help of my dad (who was thrilled to have his 15 seconds of fame). For months I have been trying to expose myself and my talents, but I had been afraid of moving anywhere beyond the back of the camera or the scene itself. After completing school, I was no longer forced to collaborate with anyone or obligated to create something for the sake of a grade. Therefore, I wasn't as driven or as rushed to express my artistry.

Over the summer, I was involved in a YouTube channel. But all we ever accomplished was a cool name, and great ideas. We filmed a few videos, but nothing was ever edited or uploaded.

Having been away from the channel, I had taken it upon myself to continue writing concepts for skits and keep a list of shot compositions that I could later use for filming. Unfortunately, I kept these things to myself by sealing them inside private places like my mind, an old-fashioned notebook, the Notes app, and a journal app on my iPhone.

This past weekend, I reminded myself how I would never get noticed if I kept the right things too myself (because I usually say the wrong things aloud, or say too much). I was going to have to put myself "out there." On a Saturday afternoon, I came back from a late-morning breakfast and thought how I was going to have the whole day to myself before I would have to get ready for my night out in town. To my surprise, my room was clean. It only came as a shocker because it was still clean despite my getting ready to go out with my family.

I'm usually not the lazy type (lies; sometimes I am), so I grabbed my notebook and wrote about how I never notice how easily my room becomes a pigsty when I get ready. Once I was done, I realized that I had wrote the story in form of a shot list. "I have enough time to film this today," I thought. "No excuses." Although difficult, it felt rewarding to be the director, camera operator, casting director, set designer, costume design, screenwriter, and editor. Ha! I'm ready for more.