But it did. I was meant to be driving in that exact moment. It was fate.
I was listening to kCRW on 89.9FM, an NPR station. It's the only talk radio that fascinates me on Frequency Modulation. AM is pretty cool, but listening to mostly static, isn't.
[I can remember first coming across this station after I had scanned through the entire tuner, as my mom does. It had been a Friday night when I decided to take a shortcut home from work. As shortcuts typically work, it had taken me 3x longer to get home. YES, I had been pissed sitting at the intersection while the light had taunted me with its green glow, round after round. But I had remained surprisingly calm because I was listening to a personal short story about a Cuban American recalling a heartfelt moment that he had shared with his reticent father. For once, traffic had been a good thing; i had given my attention to this guy's story, uninterrupted.
So every Friday after that, I would tune to this station. But I had made sure to take the normal route home, and if I got to my house, and if the segment wasn't over, I'd sit in my car until the story finished. It wasn't until later that I had realized I was only listening to a single program--which was a fragment of everything that was aired on the station. I learned to be patient in understanding the current events discussed. Even the foreign ones. There, I had also been exposed to new restaurants, breaking news, and overseas issues.]
So every Friday after that, I would tune to this station. But I had made sure to take the normal route home, and if I got to my house, and if the segment wasn't over, I'd sit in my car until the story finished. It wasn't until later that I had realized I was only listening to a single program--which was a fragment of everything that was aired on the station. I learned to be patient in understanding the current events discussed. Even the foreign ones. There, I had also been exposed to new restaurants, breaking news, and overseas issues.]
The host of this segment was talking about relationships, so naturally, I turned up the volume. He and his co-host, the "expert," were discussing their theories as to why we seek partnership, and/or comfort in other people.
I listened closer. The expert said we have been taught all our life to seek a life partner or a significant other because life cannot live without each other. Part of me wanted to agree, but part of me was also angry at this socially constructed belief.
She then continued by saying some variation of this: "Truth is, we don't need someone else to feel a sense of fulfillment." We all have biological needs, it's true. But I've come to understand that seeking comfort in another person won't fill any voids we have within ourselves. Especially as a young woman, elder generations expect us to settle down with a partner soon, and eventually have kids. But what if we put ourselves first by educating ourselves, and explore the depths of our minds? We have to find something that makes us happy, something we can accomplish alone to dodge that lonesome feeling. It's like completing a project: it's usually worth the blood, sweat, and tears when you do it all by yourself. I want to love myself before I decide to love another person--or further, share my life with them. I'm learning to do things independently. It's not easy. In fact, it's scary and uncomfortable. But after listening to the radio that day, I realized I don't need a boyfriend to establish happiness, self-worth, or self-identity. Besides, a partnership should be about both you and another person; it's not a one-way relationship. I was treating it like it was. And that wasn't fair.
Don't get me wrong, I would like to find Mr. Right, or Mr. Right for Me, but right now, I want to concentrate on making myself happy; I shouldn't leave my emotions in the hands of other people. Being single has given me the time and leeway to focus on my career goals, improve my editing skills, write, find inspiration, and spend more time with people that enjoy the same things I do.
