Mid-week dilemmas

It's Thursday, which means it's practically Friday, and therefore the weekend is basically here. For once, I felt the week drag on, whereas it usually flies by. Maybe all my misfortunes and displacement was the cause of static in my week. It all began Saturday with my study session at Starbucks. I met this nice guy who had a straight baby face but still was bold enough to point out how young I looked. After asking about my interests in school, he told me he was working on his Masters for Engineering--already we had nothing in common. When I least expected it, I found myself writing down my phone number on the right margin of his homework. At first, I thought it was an innocent act. I had assumed it was for collaboration purposes. May I remind you again: we had nothing but age range in common. Not until I got in my car did I realize what I had done. I was so embarrassed and frustrated with myself. "I'm such a tease and a push-over," I thought. "Why didn't I politely squeeze in the fact that I have a boyfriend?" My naïveté with guys has always been bad. Just as bad as my flirtation radar: always failing to pick up signal.

On my way to the hospital to visit my close friend who had recently given birth that morning, I prayed the Starbucks Guy wouldn't try contacting me.That night, as I hung out with my boyfriend, an unknown number text me. I knew exactly who it was as both our eyes glanced at my phone. There was no justification for him texting me, so I panicked. Like any bad liar, I acted like I hadn't a clue as to who it was. "Maybe it's an accidental text...I don't know who this is," I said. 

My boyfriend looked at me with one-hundred percent doubt, "Hmm, are you sure?" I was freaking out at that point.  But I coolly responded, "Yeah. I wasn't texting anyone before you got here." (Even though that part was true, I knew exactly who the sender was.) Since I had no intensions of responding, I brushed the situation under the rug and acted my normal self. But apparently acting "normal" was a sign of suspicious behavior that night. 

Today is Thursday. Let's just say emotions have been a little sensitive between us since Saturday. I'm not sure if I should admit my undisclosed encounter (which to him is automatic infidelity) and somehow turn it into a funny story, or if I should not mention anything at all since I didn't pursue any further actions with that Starbucks Guy.

I honestly fell into an alluring pit with the Starbucks Guy that sat across from me while I had been studying. It had been a while since I last felt genuinely admired, or even noticed. It made me feel vivacious and vibrant about my existence: an emotion I thought was extinct. Is it wrong for someone to feel that way? Although rhetorical, I will state no. My only wish is to feel this way all the time by the person that means so much to me.